Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
