do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Randomize
