Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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