I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pants are for mortals