I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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