Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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