i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
