One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
