i jhust puked up my retainher.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There r osticjed everywhere
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
