Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
