You smell like a Billy Joel song
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
