I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
