areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
