And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize