I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
