So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
