i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
