So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
