There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
