in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
