I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
