Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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