I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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