Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
