I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
