All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
