chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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