You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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