I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
