Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
