remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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