apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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