I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
