Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
