thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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