no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
