Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
