it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???