Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.