I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
