Texts From Last Night

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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.

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  (405): The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it. (405): And before you ask they are unrelated purchases. http://tfl.nu/nz1r
  Replies (14) Good night (2713) Bad night (513)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway

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  (910): so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway http://tfl.nu/w82l
  Replies (17) Good night (995) Bad night (3686)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  he smelled like listerine and beef tacos

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  (716): he smelled like listerine and beef tacos http://tfl.nu/l079
  Replies (9) Good night (700) Bad night (4546)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.

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  (315): Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise. http://tfl.nu/jq04
  Replies (8) Good night (4436) Bad night (1432)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"

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  (262): How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?" http://tfl.nu/pevk
  Replies (33) Good night (3251) Bad night (1217)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.

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  (508): He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me. http://tfl.nu/9xpz
  Replies (21) Good night (943) Bad night (2984)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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  (814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh
  Replies (9) Good night (758) Bad night (4038)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously

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  (314): great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously http://tfl.nu/gl7l
  Replies (10) Good night (746) Bad night (2317)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.

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  (517): Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that. http://tfl.nu/tw02
  Replies (4) Good night (859) Bad night (2211)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again

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  (720): I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again http://tfl.nu/uboi
  Replies (5) Good night (1203) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.

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  (303): The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble. http://tfl.nu/kaq2
  Replies (6) Good night (1021) Bad night (556)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.

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  (308): I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll. http://tfl.nu/yzo7
  Replies (0) Good night (844) Bad night (458)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.

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  (406): You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him. http://tfl.nu/veeu
  Replies (12) Good night (554) Bad night (1140)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  Update: I may or may not be in a cult

  (424): View more from California

  Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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  (424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4
  Replies (9) Good night (1550) Bad night (339)
• Favorite

  (858): View more from California

  someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..

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  (858): someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty.. http://tfl.nu/ruec
  Replies (0) Good night (103) Bad night (78)

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