Texts From Last Night

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  (801): View more from Utah

  see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks

  (1-801): View more from Utah

  wait.... you do what?

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  (801): see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks (1-801): wait.... you do what? http://tfl.nu/1q1g
  Replies (18) Good night (3639) Bad night (986)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?

  (773): View more from Illinois

  Too tired to pretend that I care : (

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  (847): I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over? (773): Too tired to pretend that I care : ( http://tfl.nu/bskc
  Replies (29) Good night (1224) Bad night (8014)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited

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  (413): I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited http://tfl.nu/vv7z
  Replies (31) Good night (7462) Bad night (609)
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  (949): View more from California

  Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.

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  (949): Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever. http://tfl.nu/rea8
  Replies (358) Good night (24700) Bad night (7818)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...

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  (360): The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy... http://tfl.nu/q7uq
  Replies (14) Good night (1256) Bad night (2470)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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  (407): I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule. http://tfl.nu/aidv
  Replies (6) Good night (2658) Bad night (814)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later

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  (715): We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later http://tfl.nu/4xtv
  Replies (11) Good night (5133) Bad night (1222)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night

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  (302): I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night http://tfl.nu/y9ju
  Replies (23) Good night (6857) Bad night (2048)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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  (512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0
  Replies (11) Good night (4971) Bad night (1520)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.

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  (678): So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God. http://tfl.nu/decj
  Replies (11) Good night (1112) Bad night (3551)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.

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  (815): He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet. http://tfl.nu/dtlg
  Replies (6) Good night (2478) Bad night (1863)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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  (214): One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair. http://tfl.nu/h2x0
  Replies (5) Good night (2817) Bad night (1065)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.

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  (610): At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there. http://tfl.nu/2tn8
  Replies (1) Good night (1729) Bad night (834)
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  (714): View more from California

  How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?

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  (714): How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot? http://tfl.nu/pt30
  Replies (2) Good night (1006) Bad night (398)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE

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  (770): ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE http://tfl.nu/e3gt
  Replies (3) Good night (237) Bad night (380)

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