i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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