ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
