i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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