she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
