ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
