tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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