So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
