Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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