just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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