No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
