I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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