then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
