Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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