Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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