also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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