I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he thought i was a dude.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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