i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
