I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
