Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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