at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
