community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm at about main and main street
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Randomize
