She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
