your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
