Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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