Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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