I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
