you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
