I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
