What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
